Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Friday, October 15, 2010
Our Little Hero's 7th Birthday
Hello Everyone,
Well, October is a very special month for us. Jason and I celebrated our 8th year anniversary. I have never been happier and more complete as I do today and I hope Jason truly knows that in his heart. We have been through so much since the day we met and although none of it compares to Jacob’s illness, I am proud to say we are still together and strong. I hope he feels the same. Jason, you are my world. You, Jacob and Liam are my entire world, you are my days, my nights, my every breath, without you in my life, life would be pointless.
 |
| Baby Jacob and proud daddy Jason 2003 |
But that was then, this is now. Now, we are coming up to our two year anniversary of his diagnosis but we also celebrated Jacob’s 7th birthday. This is one of our many milestones to come. Jason and I decided to only have a family birthday only this year. It’s always hard to get his friends together on Thanksgiving long weekend. So Jacob decided he wanted to have his dinner at Lonestar on Baseline this year. This decision was made after our visit in September when Jacob encountered ‘’Snake’’ our server. Jason and I thought we were speechless back then when we felt Snake went the extra mile to make Jacob’s visit memorable. I made a reservation for 27 people for Jacob’s birthday. My sister was going to bring a couple of balloons, we were going to have cake, open a couple of presents and go home. Well……there is no way to describe that night. The staff took it upon themselves to give Jacob the best birthday of his 7 year life. When we tucked Jacob in that night he says as he was falling asleep ‘’mama, this was the best birthday ever, I can’t believe they did that for me’’ and literally fell asleep as he spoke those words. He was exhausted. How could he not be? We were first greeted with the biggest sign EVER saying ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB’ if that didn’t blow us away, we walk in to find a private room for our reservation. We walked in to find a room FILLED with balloons and I mean filled!!! Hundreds of balloons filled the ceiling. I broke down in tears. I could not believe they had gone out of their way like that. There was a clown and then there was ‘the table’ lol. The gift table was FULL of gifts before friends and family even arrived at the restaurant. 26 to be precise! They went out and bought every gift you can possibly think of. To say thank you to them seems meaningless but thank you!!!
Thank you to our peeps at Lonestar!! I have no words to send to you to truly express how shocked and overwhelmed and extremely happy that we once again witness an overwhelming love for our son. Jason and I met at Lonestar on October 27th, 2001 and married less than a year later. Boy, we thought that place was special to us back then….it is at a whole new level now! lol
Pictures to come.
We also have our 3 month MRI coming up soon. Where does the time go? Results on November 3rd.
Jacob has been sick but doing well in school. Liam also has been very sick but doing well and just full of love and smiles!!!
Thank you to all for being a part of this journey. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I would also like to take this opportunity to introduce JacobRandellsJourney.blogspot.com
I have started this site outside Facebook in hopes to reach out to more families that are going through what we are. I want Jacob’s story to be known. I want to do big things for cancer research.
Please visit our page, please become a member, please spread the word.
I would also like to send my thoughts to Declan Carmical’s family. Declan passed away a week shy of his birthday. Declan had the same brain cancer Jacob has. I am heartbroken for them and appreciate even more that Jacob is proof that, although the chances of survival for ATRT cancer is less than 3% - there is ALWAYS hope!! Jacob Michael Randell is proof of that.
RIP Declan.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Celebration!
Friday October 8th, 2010
This weekend, we celebrate a birth day, more importantly we celebrate life. Jacob, you made it to your 7th birthday when more than a year ago we didn’t know if you would make it to morning. I can’t say it enough but you are the definition of courage and strength. I did not wish this path for you my sweet Jacob but you have accepted this journey with more strength that I could EVER have hoped for. I love you sweet Jacob. I love you from here to the moon to the mars.
Happy Birthday my darling Jacob.
Mama
This weekend, we celebrate a birth day, more importantly we celebrate life. Jacob, you made it to your 7th birthday when more than a year ago we didn’t know if you would make it to morning. I can’t say it enough but you are the definition of courage and strength. I did not wish this path for you my sweet Jacob but you have accepted this journey with more strength that I could EVER have hoped for. I love you sweet Jacob. I love you from here to the moon to the mars.
Happy Birthday my darling Jacob.
Mama
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
No Longer Who I Once Was
Tuesday, September 22, 2010
Last night, I cried. And cried. And cried. And cried some more…til I literally fell asleep. I am full of sadness these days. I can’t stop thinking of my daddy. My beautiful loving daddy who left us more than a year ago now.
I remember that night oh so clearly. How could I ever forget it. At times it haunts me and I wish I had never….and other days I am grateful and honored that I was there to see him literally take his last breath. I remember it so clearly. I have been grieving ever since. Or have I? I am starting to come to the realization that I don’t think I have grieve like I should have. I didn’t have a chance to. Between caring for Jacob and adjusting to a life at home after such an ugly experience and adjusting to having a beautiful addition to our family, how could I?
It has been 4 weeks since I have returned to work and I think that is what triggered all of this. It all has surfaced now, who I was, who i’ve become, what I have had a chance to deal with and what I haven’t . My father’s death for one. Now that I am back to work, I realized something VERY important. That I am no longer who I was when I was part of that team two years ago. I am no longer the employee/mother who goes into the office, does her work, worry about her kids falling or getting a cold, now I am the employee/mother who every time looks up at her wall at a beautiful picture of Jacob, is reminded of why she was away for so long in the first place. I am reminded every single minute of the day what has happened since that dreadful day on November 2, 2010. I am reminded that I had a baby, a beautiful son that will never get to know his gidou like we did, which in return reminds that I lost my father…which is why I cried, and cried and cried some more last night.
Daddy, I miss you. We all miss you. I wish I could see you beautiful smile just one more time…but even then, it would never be enough.
I love you and dedicate this post to you baba, the greatest man, I have ever known.
Last night, I cried. And cried. And cried. And cried some more…til I literally fell asleep. I am full of sadness these days. I can’t stop thinking of my daddy. My beautiful loving daddy who left us more than a year ago now.
I remember that night oh so clearly. How could I ever forget it. At times it haunts me and I wish I had never….and other days I am grateful and honored that I was there to see him literally take his last breath. I remember it so clearly. I have been grieving ever since. Or have I? I am starting to come to the realization that I don’t think I have grieve like I should have. I didn’t have a chance to. Between caring for Jacob and adjusting to a life at home after such an ugly experience and adjusting to having a beautiful addition to our family, how could I?
It has been 4 weeks since I have returned to work and I think that is what triggered all of this. It all has surfaced now, who I was, who i’ve become, what I have had a chance to deal with and what I haven’t . My father’s death for one. Now that I am back to work, I realized something VERY important. That I am no longer who I was when I was part of that team two years ago. I am no longer the employee/mother who goes into the office, does her work, worry about her kids falling or getting a cold, now I am the employee/mother who every time looks up at her wall at a beautiful picture of Jacob, is reminded of why she was away for so long in the first place. I am reminded every single minute of the day what has happened since that dreadful day on November 2, 2010. I am reminded that I had a baby, a beautiful son that will never get to know his gidou like we did, which in return reminds that I lost my father…which is why I cried, and cried and cried some more last night.
Daddy, I miss you. We all miss you. I wish I could see you beautiful smile just one more time…but even then, it would never be enough.
I love you and dedicate this post to you baba, the greatest man, I have ever known.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Everything's Changed
August 14, 2010
Hello Everyone,
I wanted to let you all know things are going very well. Infections have all cleared and we are enjoying our summer to the fullest. Some good things have happened to Jacob in the last few weeks. I would do anything to take away what happened to him but there is just no way of going back so if this is Jacob’s destiny than I am glad good thing are happening to him. Jacob got to meet his long life idol Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. It was a memorable day that none of us will EVER forget. This week, Jacob was asked by CHEO if he would spend an afternoon at Dairy Queen behind the counter making Blizzards for Blizzard Day. All proceeds sold that day would go to CHEO. He had the best time. Its moment like those that add on to our memory drawer that someday we will be grateful to have experienced. So many of our friends and family came out. Every time that door opened and saw people I care about walk through those doors it just reminded me that we were never alone on this journey. Even when it felt like it on my darkest days…we were NEVER alone. Thank you. We are in a very happy place now. My family is beautiful. I have a husband who adores me, adores his kids, I have two perfect boys, well behaved, fun, happy…what more can anyone ask for? I am truly lucky to have what most people wish for.
Mama is going in for surgery next week. Finally getting my gallbladder removed. I am hoping that is the cause to all my issues and I will finally start to feel better.
End of summer is approaching and I am not sure how I feel about that. Mama is going back to work. After almost two years of being away, I am going back. Last time I was in my office, it was October 31st, 2008. I left piles of work on my desk. I had locked my cabinets, turned off the lights and locked the door behind, eager to go trick and treating with Jacob and my nieces…thinking that on Monday I would be returning as I did every morning. Little did I know, that would have been the last time I set foot in that office until August 31st, 2010. Its going to be weird to go back. For many reasons. First, because I haven't worked in almost two years. Second, because I only had one child when I last worked and thirdly because my life is no longer the life I had when I was last in that office. Last time I was in that office, I had a healthy 5 year old(or so I thought), I had a baby in my tummy and I had a father whom I spoke to almost everyday. When I step back in that office on August 31st, I will have two children that I now leave behind in the mornings, I no longer have a father to speak to every day and I have a son who's been battling brain cancer for the past two years. I no longer have some of the friends I had and have made so many new ones that I am forever grateful. Everything's changed. EVERYTHING! Its going to be a bitter sweet moment when I walk in there, but its time. Its time because, financially, we are starting to feel it. Its time because Jacob is doing well and we get to go back to that "normal" life I so badly wanted in my first entry of this journal...whatever normal is now, its time.
Jacob will sadly be starting over grade one. But its ok. We have accepted what has happened and will from here on just try and make things better. Technically Jacob will be in the grade he should be for his age. We had him derogated for him to start early and he passed with flying colors…but due to obvious circumstances, he fell behind. So he will start over. He will see his friends move on to grade two but he will make new ones. I worry though. I worry about the new friends who don’t really know Jacob, don’t really know about him. I worry about his learning abilities now. What kind of damage has chemo and radiation done to him? How we got to this place I don’t know but all we can do now is make it better.
He will do great. He will soar through it just like he is doing with everything else. I love that boy to pieces and all I can do now is help him live life to the fullest.
Last week, we celebrated our one year anniversary of Jacob’s “Welcome Home” party. Next week, we will be marking one year of my father’s passing. Two completely different events, I still shake my head when I think of the last two years. Everything’s changed. EVERYTHING!
Hello Everyone,
I wanted to let you all know things are going very well. Infections have all cleared and we are enjoying our summer to the fullest. Some good things have happened to Jacob in the last few weeks. I would do anything to take away what happened to him but there is just no way of going back so if this is Jacob’s destiny than I am glad good thing are happening to him. Jacob got to meet his long life idol Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. It was a memorable day that none of us will EVER forget. This week, Jacob was asked by CHEO if he would spend an afternoon at Dairy Queen behind the counter making Blizzards for Blizzard Day. All proceeds sold that day would go to CHEO. He had the best time. Its moment like those that add on to our memory drawer that someday we will be grateful to have experienced. So many of our friends and family came out. Every time that door opened and saw people I care about walk through those doors it just reminded me that we were never alone on this journey. Even when it felt like it on my darkest days…we were NEVER alone. Thank you. We are in a very happy place now. My family is beautiful. I have a husband who adores me, adores his kids, I have two perfect boys, well behaved, fun, happy…what more can anyone ask for? I am truly lucky to have what most people wish for.
Mama is going in for surgery next week. Finally getting my gallbladder removed. I am hoping that is the cause to all my issues and I will finally start to feel better.
End of summer is approaching and I am not sure how I feel about that. Mama is going back to work. After almost two years of being away, I am going back. Last time I was in my office, it was October 31st, 2008. I left piles of work on my desk. I had locked my cabinets, turned off the lights and locked the door behind, eager to go trick and treating with Jacob and my nieces…thinking that on Monday I would be returning as I did every morning. Little did I know, that would have been the last time I set foot in that office until August 31st, 2010. Its going to be weird to go back. For many reasons. First, because I haven't worked in almost two years. Second, because I only had one child when I last worked and thirdly because my life is no longer the life I had when I was last in that office. Last time I was in that office, I had a healthy 5 year old(or so I thought), I had a baby in my tummy and I had a father whom I spoke to almost everyday. When I step back in that office on August 31st, I will have two children that I now leave behind in the mornings, I no longer have a father to speak to every day and I have a son who's been battling brain cancer for the past two years. I no longer have some of the friends I had and have made so many new ones that I am forever grateful. Everything's changed. EVERYTHING! Its going to be a bitter sweet moment when I walk in there, but its time. Its time because, financially, we are starting to feel it. Its time because Jacob is doing well and we get to go back to that "normal" life I so badly wanted in my first entry of this journal...whatever normal is now, its time.
Jacob will sadly be starting over grade one. But its ok. We have accepted what has happened and will from here on just try and make things better. Technically Jacob will be in the grade he should be for his age. We had him derogated for him to start early and he passed with flying colors…but due to obvious circumstances, he fell behind. So he will start over. He will see his friends move on to grade two but he will make new ones. I worry though. I worry about the new friends who don’t really know Jacob, don’t really know about him. I worry about his learning abilities now. What kind of damage has chemo and radiation done to him? How we got to this place I don’t know but all we can do now is make it better.
He will do great. He will soar through it just like he is doing with everything else. I love that boy to pieces and all I can do now is help him live life to the fullest.
Last week, we celebrated our one year anniversary of Jacob’s “Welcome Home” party. Next week, we will be marking one year of my father’s passing. Two completely different events, I still shake my head when I think of the last two years. Everything’s changed. EVERYTHING!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Dreams of the Future
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
WOW! Its been way too long since I sat in front of this screen and wrote an update. I always must start with a thank you to all of you who asks for updates, who call for updates, who sends messages and for your ongoing support through good and bad.
Today we got our results from last week’s MRI. It was good, for the most part. The tumor has not grown, nor shrunk, therefore “stable”. That is now my favorite word. It brings me peace. I oh so have this wish that we walk into the doctor’s office and hear the words “the tumor is smaller", better yet, "the tumor is gone". But I have now come to terms that, that may never happen, so for now “stable” is a word of comfort to me, to Jason and to Jacob.
A couple of months ago, we had somewhat of a little scare. Jacob was having headaches, balance issues, throwing up, all the symptoms that leads to possibly growth in the tumor. I was scared. Actually, I was petrified. I kept it all in but when they ordered a emergency CT SCAN, my heart sank. It could have been his shunt, it could have been the tumor. Turns out it was a severe infection is his mastoid bone. Untreated, it could be fatal. But we caught it. It was treated and seemed to be gone. The MRI showed that the infection had spread to his sinuses. The pictures weren’t clear. So now we treat that and hope it goes away. If it doesn’t could be the sign of something worse, but for now, we treated and hope that it goes away.
Today was one of those days where I realize that my son could potentially die. I don’t forget it…ever….but somedays I see strength in him I hope will keep him going for years to come.
In the waiting room today, I was chatting with a mother who’s son is “terminal”. She’s seen the inside of Roger’s House which I hope to NEVER have to see. But her story today hit close to home. We talked. We cried. She told me she is ready, as ready as can be for “that” day. How can anyone be ready? Then I saw her son come out of the room and there he was…fighting for another day. I hope that’s Jacob. She told me that she always felt in her heart that her son would be “the success story”. I hope that’s Jacob. I have visions of sending him off to College. I have visions of walking him down the aisle. I have visions of seeing him go on to grade 2. I have visions. I want those visions to come true.
For now, we will not worry. For now, we will treat the infection. For now, I will wake up every morning to “good morning mama”. For now, I will watch him swim his heart out this summer.
He is well. Actually he is great. He is strong, he is eating, he is running, he is playing, he is talking. For now, he is here. I love him so so so so much., I just love him.
We truly are in a happy place right now. Jacob is great. Liam is fantastic!! He is happy, he is beautiful, he is part of my perfect world.
Jason is well. Still working hard. I am getting ready to go back to my job that I have been away for almost two years in September. For now, I will enjoy the summer with my boys and again not take a minute of that time for granted.
Thank you so much to all of you and I say this with the most sincerity. Thank you! To all of you for letting my family into yours.
WOW! Its been way too long since I sat in front of this screen and wrote an update. I always must start with a thank you to all of you who asks for updates, who call for updates, who sends messages and for your ongoing support through good and bad.
Today we got our results from last week’s MRI. It was good, for the most part. The tumor has not grown, nor shrunk, therefore “stable”. That is now my favorite word. It brings me peace. I oh so have this wish that we walk into the doctor’s office and hear the words “the tumor is smaller", better yet, "the tumor is gone". But I have now come to terms that, that may never happen, so for now “stable” is a word of comfort to me, to Jason and to Jacob.
A couple of months ago, we had somewhat of a little scare. Jacob was having headaches, balance issues, throwing up, all the symptoms that leads to possibly growth in the tumor. I was scared. Actually, I was petrified. I kept it all in but when they ordered a emergency CT SCAN, my heart sank. It could have been his shunt, it could have been the tumor. Turns out it was a severe infection is his mastoid bone. Untreated, it could be fatal. But we caught it. It was treated and seemed to be gone. The MRI showed that the infection had spread to his sinuses. The pictures weren’t clear. So now we treat that and hope it goes away. If it doesn’t could be the sign of something worse, but for now, we treated and hope that it goes away.
Today was one of those days where I realize that my son could potentially die. I don’t forget it…ever….but somedays I see strength in him I hope will keep him going for years to come.
In the waiting room today, I was chatting with a mother who’s son is “terminal”. She’s seen the inside of Roger’s House which I hope to NEVER have to see. But her story today hit close to home. We talked. We cried. She told me she is ready, as ready as can be for “that” day. How can anyone be ready? Then I saw her son come out of the room and there he was…fighting for another day. I hope that’s Jacob. She told me that she always felt in her heart that her son would be “the success story”. I hope that’s Jacob. I have visions of sending him off to College. I have visions of walking him down the aisle. I have visions of seeing him go on to grade 2. I have visions. I want those visions to come true.
For now, we will not worry. For now, we will treat the infection. For now, I will wake up every morning to “good morning mama”. For now, I will watch him swim his heart out this summer.
He is well. Actually he is great. He is strong, he is eating, he is running, he is playing, he is talking. For now, he is here. I love him so so so so much., I just love him.
We truly are in a happy place right now. Jacob is great. Liam is fantastic!! He is happy, he is beautiful, he is part of my perfect world.
Jason is well. Still working hard. I am getting ready to go back to my job that I have been away for almost two years in September. For now, I will enjoy the summer with my boys and again not take a minute of that time for granted.
Thank you so much to all of you and I say this with the most sincerity. Thank you! To all of you for letting my family into yours.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
In a Funk
March 11th, 2010
Hi Everyone,
I always have to start by thanking everyone who keeps checking in for updates and all the messages I get asking for updates when its been a while. I was always and still am very overwhelmed with this love for my family.
I didn't want this update to be a sad so I will start with the good in our lives and oh is there ever lots of that. Jacob is well, saying he is doing great is understating the fact. The fact is he is living the life of a child who was never sick. And funny as I write this sentence, once again its brings me to tears. I haven't updated in a while cause mama has been in a funk. This one's a doozy. Again, its funny cause this is the best time of my life, this is the best time my family has seen in what seems like forever, yet I am always sad but sad inside. My outside is so overjoyed with getting to take Jacob to school everyday but my insides are hurting. I have been grieving a few things this past month. My father for one, I don't stop thinking of him. I miss him now more than I did just a month ago. As time goes on I realize he really is not coming back and it breaks my heart into pieces.
Second, I have been grieving what used to be. I am mad at myself. I am mad that I even think about it but the reality is that Jacob's drastic physical changes are a constant reminder that life will never be the same. Not being the same is an okay thing cause we are in a good place but I have been sad and grieving who he once looked like. I know, its horrible because I should be grateful that he is alive and I really don't have to tell anyone that I am grateful for that. But his physical changes are there and it has been reminding me that I could lose him one day. Any day really. I think these feelings have been more intense lately because I realize that this child really is a miracle. really!! I have known a handful of families who actually have lost their children. They are really gone, these families have buried their children. Crazy thought, isnt? Some a while ago, some yesterday, some in the very near future. Its crazy, its crazy to think that I could lose Jacob someday. I am sobbing like a big baby right now writing this and I shouldn't be. Its only been in the last couple of months that I have been feeling like this and I just can't seem to shake it off. I am angry. I am angry at the powers above who or what ever it is. I am praying to a God that I just don't believe in anymore. I am confused.
I am also grieving for frienships that have come and gone and although some are just not worth the tears I just don't understand how someone can walk away from me life at a time where I was watching my son slowly slip away from me just to find out this whole time i was being blamed. Crazy stuff but that's been my state of mind lately.
Now, on a happy, very happy note. We are doing great. Jacob is a normal kid, so normal he came home today with a bloody knee from falling at recess. OMG, you have no idea what kind a feeling that is. lol I love him, I love him so at times I don't know what to do with all this love that I feel for him, for Liam, for my whole family.
Liam is the joy of this family. You can almost say he is the miracle of this family and how he came into our lives at a time where it was chaos is a blessing. He will be a year soon. can you believe it? Almost a year!!! The one thing that does make me give myself a good shake is just thinking of where we were a year ago and all these feelings(even if its for a brief moment) just disappear!! Just like that, when I think about the fact that it could have been me "sitting in a funeral home waiting for the director" makes all these feelings I described above disappear. :)
Jacob's last MRI scheduled in February was cancelled as he and the entire family was very sick. It has been rescheduled for March 25th. I am scared. Every single one of them scare me. This one especially. Don't know why, it just does. I will make sure to send you all an update after we get those results.
I also wanted to say, that for every friend I have lost throughout this journey, you all have MORE than made up for. I have met and made some pretty incredible friends. Friends that make me laugh every day. That wipe my tears when they fall and pick me up when I am down on my knees. Thank you to all those friends, to my family, to every member of Jacob's Journey. Without you, I would not be as strong as I have been able to be.
Thank you. oxo
Liliane
RIP Ali, Montana, Maddy and Layla Grace
Hi Everyone,
I always have to start by thanking everyone who keeps checking in for updates and all the messages I get asking for updates when its been a while. I was always and still am very overwhelmed with this love for my family.
I didn't want this update to be a sad so I will start with the good in our lives and oh is there ever lots of that. Jacob is well, saying he is doing great is understating the fact. The fact is he is living the life of a child who was never sick. And funny as I write this sentence, once again its brings me to tears. I haven't updated in a while cause mama has been in a funk. This one's a doozy. Again, its funny cause this is the best time of my life, this is the best time my family has seen in what seems like forever, yet I am always sad but sad inside. My outside is so overjoyed with getting to take Jacob to school everyday but my insides are hurting. I have been grieving a few things this past month. My father for one, I don't stop thinking of him. I miss him now more than I did just a month ago. As time goes on I realize he really is not coming back and it breaks my heart into pieces.
Second, I have been grieving what used to be. I am mad at myself. I am mad that I even think about it but the reality is that Jacob's drastic physical changes are a constant reminder that life will never be the same. Not being the same is an okay thing cause we are in a good place but I have been sad and grieving who he once looked like. I know, its horrible because I should be grateful that he is alive and I really don't have to tell anyone that I am grateful for that. But his physical changes are there and it has been reminding me that I could lose him one day. Any day really. I think these feelings have been more intense lately because I realize that this child really is a miracle. really!! I have known a handful of families who actually have lost their children. They are really gone, these families have buried their children. Crazy thought, isnt? Some a while ago, some yesterday, some in the very near future. Its crazy, its crazy to think that I could lose Jacob someday. I am sobbing like a big baby right now writing this and I shouldn't be. Its only been in the last couple of months that I have been feeling like this and I just can't seem to shake it off. I am angry. I am angry at the powers above who or what ever it is. I am praying to a God that I just don't believe in anymore. I am confused.
I am also grieving for frienships that have come and gone and although some are just not worth the tears I just don't understand how someone can walk away from me life at a time where I was watching my son slowly slip away from me just to find out this whole time i was being blamed. Crazy stuff but that's been my state of mind lately.
Now, on a happy, very happy note. We are doing great. Jacob is a normal kid, so normal he came home today with a bloody knee from falling at recess. OMG, you have no idea what kind a feeling that is. lol I love him, I love him so at times I don't know what to do with all this love that I feel for him, for Liam, for my whole family.
Liam is the joy of this family. You can almost say he is the miracle of this family and how he came into our lives at a time where it was chaos is a blessing. He will be a year soon. can you believe it? Almost a year!!! The one thing that does make me give myself a good shake is just thinking of where we were a year ago and all these feelings(even if its for a brief moment) just disappear!! Just like that, when I think about the fact that it could have been me "sitting in a funeral home waiting for the director" makes all these feelings I described above disappear. :)
Jacob's last MRI scheduled in February was cancelled as he and the entire family was very sick. It has been rescheduled for March 25th. I am scared. Every single one of them scare me. This one especially. Don't know why, it just does. I will make sure to send you all an update after we get those results.
I also wanted to say, that for every friend I have lost throughout this journey, you all have MORE than made up for. I have met and made some pretty incredible friends. Friends that make me laugh every day. That wipe my tears when they fall and pick me up when I am down on my knees. Thank you to all those friends, to my family, to every member of Jacob's Journey. Without you, I would not be as strong as I have been able to be.
Thank you. oxo
Liliane
RIP Ali, Montana, Maddy and Layla Grace
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