Wednesday September 2nd, 2009
WITH LOVE, WE BROUGHT HIM BACK TO HEALT
I am at a loss for words as I start this journal tonight. I am beside myself with happiness, with relief and with great sadness. I have NEVER felt this overwhelmed since starting this journey 10 months ago TODAY.
Today, as most of you know, we got some news that we weren't quite expecting. As we walked in to the doctor's office, it was in that very same room 10 months ago that we were given the devastating news, news that would change our lives...forever. Today, we were told that there was no more signs of cancer. The tumor is still there but inactive and all dead cells. Words, we were not expecting but were overjoyed beyond any words could ever express to hear. Jacob did not quite understand why mommy was crying, but was quickly reassured they were tears of joy.
I don't think the news has quite sunk in yet. I am not sure if it ever will. I am not sure how to feel. I am overjoyed but at the same time I cried, I cried for my daddy, for Jacob's jidou who I so wish could be here to share this news with. But on the other hand, many believed and now I join them, that he unselfishly took Jacob's cancer with him to his grave. Thank you Baba, if you did, I am truly grateful but so sad that it cost you your life. I miss you terribly. I miss you so badly daddy that it hurts my insides. Jacob misses you. Jacob feels your absence and sees you in his dreams.
Today, we got good news, great news actually but at the same time we have learned of a little friend's passing. The same mother I cried with over Jacob and how sick Jacob was, has said goodbye to her angel. Jason and I are so deeply saddened by his death. He was 7 years old and a beautiful beautiful child. We did not tell Jacob, nor will we. We feel its just not the time. I just don't understand.
So, for now, we live to see another day with our beautiful hero. He will live on to go to school, to play, to eat, to drive me crazy at times...lol and live to his 6th birthday shortly. Life is beautiful. Although his health will forever be on our minds, his health will ALWAYS be in question and we will ALWAYS wonder if it will come back. There will still be an MRI scheduled every three months for the next two years. Every one of them will make my heart race...but until then....JACOB IS CANCER FREE.
This journey will continue, continue with more strength then we had before. I wish you all knew how much Jason and I have laughed, cried and cried some more reading your messages, your words of kindness, your words of encouragements, your prayers, your hope...your support. I don't know what we would have done without all of you holding our hand from afar as we cried so many, many tears. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Liam is doing wonderfully. I never thought I could find enough love for him when Jacob got sick but boy did I quickly realize that I have plenty to go around. He is a beautiful child. Full of love and smiles and knows that he and his brother have a special bond. My family is a family again, and although life will never be the same, we are stonger than ever and are ready to face the world. I am a lucky woman. I count my blessings every day and hope you all never take your families, your parents, your sisters, your brothers, your friends and your children for granted. You only have one life to live...make the best of it.
I always wish this never happened but we have met some pretty amazing people on this road. I have made forever friends and for that I am thankful.
luv you all and thank you for your support. Liliane oxo
