Monday November 23rd, 2009
good evening everyone,
its been a while since my last update. Things have been good. Great actually. Jacob has spread his wings as wide as he possibly can.
Today was our three month MRI. I can't believe three months have gone by already. It seems like just yesterday we were getting the last results and getting comfortable. But here we are again, waiting with anticipation the results to see how the tumor is doing. It was a very emotional day for me today. I couldn't figure out why this one was so different from the others but as i sit here and write to you all, i figured it out. Its because my son has a brain tumor. Its because these MRIs are a constant reminder that my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. My friend wrote on my wall this week about thinking of how "normal" our life will really ever be and she is right. Its something I always think about. We may be into a normal routine but our lives are far from ever being normal again. A life of MRIs, doctors, ct scans, IVIGs, chemo and radiation makes it a life that will ever be far from normal.
This week I am packing for our trip to Disney. We are SOOOOO excited. I can't think of a child who deserves this more than Jacob right now. Why are we going to Disney? because the Wish Foundation is granting my son with a terminally ill disease, any wish he wants. I love that we have this opportunity that we could never do on our own but when you think of the reason he is going, makes me sad.
I am afraid. I am afraid of losing my son. Some days I am grateful to still have Jacob in my life but some days, like today, I am afraid of losing him. The thoughts are just insane. You can't even imagine unless you are faced with it but I am honestly afraid. I am scared to hear those words one day from the doctors saying there is nothing else they can do. I will get over this feeling, i know I will, I always do...until the next MRI in three months.
The only way you can truly know how well Jacob is doing is by seeing him. He just lightens up ANY room he walks into. He is a gift. My gift. My birthday gift, my Christmas gift. He is my everything. Jacob and Liam are the reason I get up in the morning, i hope its never taken away from me.
I have decided not to get the results before our return from Disney. We are going to go and have a unforgettable time and make wonderful memories first. I can't wait to come and tell you all about it.
