Friday, December 18th, 2009
Hi Everyone,
Its time for an update. I don't know where to start. My mind has been spinning a hundred miles an hour for weeks now. Its full. It just won't stop. Sometimes, my head is spinning so fast I can't find it in me to turn my thoughts into to words. My last update , we were getting ready for Disney. We had a fantastic time. The weather decided not to be nice to us and didn't cooperate in any way but we made the best of it. We were sent to "Give Kids The World". It was in no other words: MAGICAL! We had a beautiful Villa and Jacob, who was nicknamed Master Jacob for the week was exactly that, A Master. He was the King of the World for 6 days and I don't think he will ever forget it. Neither will we, by far. To have had this opportunity to make these unforgettable memories with him is beyond any feeling I could ever describe. Some days I think WOW! I can't wait to go back. Some other days, where my day is a bit darker, I think WOW! that may be the last thing I ever do with him. I know, it sounds selfish but that's just the way it is. I can't help it. But we had the best moments ever. Thank you to the Children's Wish Foundation of Canada. If you ever are looking for a charity to donate. There is just no price for the opportunity they gave me and my family. Just no price. I will post pictures soon.
Today, I went to Jacob's school for his Christmas concert. He went up on stage, didn't know a word to the songs but I still cried. I bawled actually. I'm good at doing that discretly now but i did it. To see him stand up there, it was more than I could handle.
I did notice however today how much he is struggling to keep up. To keep up with school work, to keep up with the environment, to keep up with the atmosphere, the speed of things and to keep up with his friends. Sometimes, I get scared that his friends won't want to eventually play with him anymore because he just can't keep up, or because he cries so easily. He gets frustrated so quickly. I wish I could shake it off of him but I just can't. It doesn't take much for him to get so overwhelmed. It makes me sad, yet he has the best of friends in his class who are right there to help him or console him when he is sad. Its incredible. They are incredible children and were brought up very well.
Christmas is approaching. This is not a good time for me. First because I still can't believe my father won't be here. My first Christmas without my daddy and it could be my last with Jacob. It is so overwhelming and I hope none of you every have to have these horrible thoughts that poison your mind. Second, last year at this time, was one of our darkest hours with Jacob. Most of you didn't know us at this time last year as I didn't start Jacob's Journey before February but it was the worst time in our lives. Jacob was ill with pneumonia. I remember x-mas eve, i remember the dark room. I remember the sound of the oxygen on FULL BLAST. I remember him barely waking up. I remember thinking I will have to say goodbye to my son on x-mas. What a vicious vicious thought. Last Year on boxing day, Jacob was shipped to Mtl for his stem cell collection. We ended up being there through New Year. It was one of my many, but one of my darkest hour. I was in a deep deep dark hole, and this time of year just brings it all back. It still hurts.
On a good note though, this year, we get to have a Christmas. It may be without my daddy, who i miss so much, but it will be with a Jacob that will be home, with a little boy who can eat. I will make sure there is LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of food. I will make up for the 8 months he was not able to eat.
This year, It will be another memory. It will be Liam's first Christmas. It will be, a WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS. :)
No MRI results before January 6th. I was a little upset that they didn't book us in but not anymore. It will be a wonderful Christmas.
Happy Holidays to all and thank you "infiniment" for your support and your love.
