Thursday October 22nd, 2009
Two postings in two days...I guess I am making up for the lack of updates the last two months. lol
I had a need to sit and write to my most awesomest support group. I just came back from a little meeting with Jacobs teacher. I am sad. It really isn't that bad but my heart breaks right now and i can't stop crying. We were told by the teacher today that Jacob is struggling. Struggling and is not at the same level as the other chidren in his class. Although it was to be expected I was heartbroken to actually hear it. I am not sure how we went from a normal life with an above average child who exceeded in everything and was titled a genius to a boy who can barely zip up his coat without help. Its sad and for some reason as I sit here and watch the rain fall, it hit me again that - My child has cancer. My beautiful once upon a time healthy child, has cancer. OMG! its a slap in the face everytime i actually take the time to say it...those words, those horrible horrible words "My child has cancer". Wow, i can't stop saying it. I went from starting my day by sending Jacob to school and having a very nice coffee date with two great friends and now I am sitting here crying because my child needs help from other 6 year olds to zip up his coat. Its not fair. its just not fair. Today, i want to feel sorry for myself.
I am not taking anything away from Jacob. I think he is amazing to even be going to school right now and I admire him and respect him for his strenght and courage. The fact that we thought he wouldn't even be here with us today and he is in school as I write this is absolutely amazing to me...but i am angry. I am so angry. I just want to feel sorry for myself today. Just today, just right now. Tomorrow is another day.
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