Everything's Changed

August 14, 2010

Hello Everyone,
I wanted to let you all know things are going very well. Infections have all cleared and we are enjoying our summer to the fullest. Some good things have happened to Jacob in the last few weeks. I would do anything to take away what happened to him but there is just no way of going back so if this is Jacob’s destiny than I am glad good thing are happening to him. Jacob got to meet his long life idol Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. It was a memorable day that none of us will EVER forget. This week, Jacob was asked by CHEO if he would spend an afternoon at Dairy Queen behind the counter making Blizzards for Blizzard Day. All proceeds sold that day would go to CHEO. He had the best time. Its moment like those that add on to our memory drawer that someday we will be grateful to have experienced. So many of our friends and family came out. Every time that door opened and saw people I care about walk through those doors it just reminded me that we were never alone on this journey. Even when it felt like it on my darkest days…we were NEVER alone. Thank you. We are in a very happy place now. My family is beautiful. I have a husband who adores me, adores his kids, I have two perfect boys, well behaved, fun, happy…what more can anyone ask for? I am truly lucky to have what most people wish for. 

Mama is going in for surgery next week. Finally getting my gallbladder removed. I am hoping that is the cause to all my issues and I will finally start to feel better. 

End of summer is approaching and I am not sure how I feel about that. Mama is going back to work. After almost two years of being away, I am going back. Last time I was in my office, it was October 31st, 2008. I left piles of work on my desk. I had locked my cabinets, turned off the lights and locked the door behind, eager to go trick and treating with Jacob and my nieces…thinking that on Monday I would be returning as I did every morning. Little did I know, that would have been the last time I set foot in that office until August 31st, 2010. Its going to be weird to go back. For many reasons. First, because I haven't worked in almost two years. Second, because I only had one child when I last worked and thirdly because my life is no longer the life I had when I was last in that office. Last time I was in that office, I had a healthy 5 year old(or so I thought), I had a baby in my tummy and I had a father whom I spoke to almost everyday. When I step back in that office on August 31st, I will have two children that I now leave behind in the mornings, I no longer have a father to speak to every day and I have a son who's been battling brain cancer for the past two years. I no longer have some of the friends I had and have made so many new ones that I am forever grateful. Everything's changed. EVERYTHING! Its going to be a bitter sweet moment when I walk in there, but its time. Its time because, financially, we are starting to feel it. Its time because Jacob is doing well and we get to go back to that "normal" life I so badly wanted in my first entry of this journal...whatever normal is now, its time. 

Jacob will sadly be starting over grade one. But its ok. We have accepted what has happened and will from here on just try and make things better. Technically Jacob will be in the grade he should be for his age. We had him derogated for him to start early and he passed with flying colors…but due to obvious circumstances, he fell behind. So he will start over. He will see his friends move on to grade two but he will make new ones. I worry though. I worry about the new friends who don’t really know Jacob, don’t really know about him. I worry about his learning abilities now. What kind of damage has chemo and radiation done to him? How we got to this place I don’t know but all we can do now is make it better. 

He will do great. He will soar through it just like he is doing with everything else. I love that boy to pieces and all I can do now is help him live life to the fullest. 

Last week, we celebrated our one year anniversary of Jacob’s “Welcome Home” party. Next week, we will be marking one year of my father’s passing. Two completely different events, I still shake my head when I think of the last two years. Everything’s changed. EVERYTHING!