Saying Goodbye to Jidou

Saturday August 22nd, 2009

I had vowed when we came back from Montreal that this journal from here on would be happy updates. It is not the case. I write tonight with the biggest sadness my heart has ever felt. I thought that life couldn't get any worse. I thought that a sick child took away every bit of tears and heartbreak that one could ever experience...that is not the case. Losing a parent has brought great devastation in our lives. Life from here on....will never be the same. 

Five months ago, we thought we would be grieving for our child. Today we grieve for my father. A man who has worked so hard to take care of his family. A man full of love for his children and grandchildren and for my mother. Today we grieve for a man that will never be forgotten.

I can't believe he is gone. I just can't believe he gone. I can't believe we will never see him again. No more daddy...no more jidou. No more seeing his beautiful face, his beautiful smile. It just wasn't suppose to be like this. He was suppose to see Jacob grow up. He was suppose to see him healthy and happy for as long as that was suppose to be. 

I am angry. I am angry that the time spent in Montreal should have been time spent here with my father. I am angry that we wasted that time there which done Jacob no good and took away time we should have spent with my dad. I am just not sure how I will ever get over this.

Jacob is well. He is grieving his jidou's death in his own way, he is sad but also happy. happy like a 5 year old should be. He is a miracle. He has his MRI booked next wednesday the 26th. I ask that you all think and pray for him on that day. I can only pray for good news at this point. I can no longer handle bad news. I can no longer handle such devastation in my life. 

Liam and Jason are doing good. Jason is also grieving but Liam, sadly, will never know his jidou. Jacob promised Liam that he will tell him all about his jidou when he is old enough.

Oh daddy, I miss you every minute of every day and i just don't know where I will find it in me to move on without you. I can't believe you are gone. Rest in peace my baba. You are forever in our hearts.