Tears of Happiness

Sunday July 12th, 2009

Good evening to the best support group ever!!! 

Hope you are all well. Here, in the Hajjar-Randell household, things couldn't be better! It brings me such hapiness and relief to sit here tonight and write good thoughts. Happy thoughts. Jacob is doing well. He has started eating. Not full meals and eating in very little bites so its not fufilling for him but he is on the right path. He is working very hard to walk again and eat again and try and correct all the damage that was done to his little body. Jason and I couldn't be prouder of that little boy. He is truly an inspiring to all. He is the poster boy for courage and strenght. Truly is.

I am not sure where to start, today was the best day in a long time. He is so happy and playful and talkative and gentle and polite and loving and emotional and well... alot of things. 

Tonight, mama is happy. I am shedding tears as I write this but they are truly tears of hapiness, of joy, of relief. Jacob is on the right path of recovery. I cannot put into words how content Jason and I are that we brought him home. Its the best medicine we could have ever given him. 

He is still sick. He seems more frustrated and discouraged now because everything else is going to well he doesn't understand why he still is vomiting. we don't understand either. The moments that he is sick he often says "this isn't suppose to be like this", "why is this happening to me" I fear at times that that is the life that he is destined to. I fear that this is his life for the rest of his days but hopefully there will be a miracle somehow and it will just go away. Our next MRI is scheduled for August 26th. That will be a big one. If the tumor is stable or shrunk it will be a great relief, if it has grown then we know in our hearts where we are heading and will make the best of his life. Until then, we will enjoy the time we have, we will enjoy every good day and take the bad ones with a grain of salt. The future no longer scares me...Today is what we have. Please keep us in your thoughts as you all always have.

Liam is great!!! he is almost 16lbs! yes you read right....at 2 1/2 months he is almost 16lbs. He is a wonderful baby that brings smiles to all of us. He eats well, sleeps through the night and is a gift to this family. Liam has a purpose in life just as I believe Jacob has also. 

Jason is good. he is as always a strong beautiful person. He is a gifted dad. he was meant to be a father. He was meant to be a husband and I am grateful to have him. 

Our days are busy. appts almost everyday. Jacob gets his broviac taken out next week(central line) which means he will be able to swim even with his feeding tube. It is a minor surgery but still a surgery that makes me nervous but I know he is in good hands. 

oh i guess I can't forget lollipop. Lollipop is good. She is easily trained and I am SLOWLY getting used to her even though at times I get frustrated for having like another child in the house. 

Thank you all. For those who we know and for the ones we have never met. Thank you!! oxoxoxo