A Bittersweet Day

Wednesday July 29th, 2009

Hello All, 
Well today was a big day in Jacob's Journey. Jacob had his central line removed. It was a bitter sweet feeling for mama to be honest. Jacob is not in remission at this time therefore Jacob's broviac removal means two things:

First, it means that Jacob is done treatments. It means, he survived 8 months of hell. It means, he went through three horrible cycles of chemo, 30 radiation treatments, a stem cell transplant and 9 surgeries. It means, he went through three episodes of pneumonia, it means, he almost "went to the light" a couple of times but miraculously somehow surpassed it. It is a big day for us, today, means Jacob is at home.

Second, this broviac removal means that this is it. This is really it. There is nothing else they can do for Jacob anymore and all we can do now is hope that he stays stable and the tumor no longer grows. What are the chances? nobody knows. Really, nobody knows. It will be a waiting game, it will be a life of stress, it will be a life of wondering if the next MRI will tell us that Jacob's tumor grew and there is no longer anything they can do for him...its a life of the unknown. 

But, that's ok. Today, I wasn't emotional. I didn't cry. Today, I am happy. Today, I kissed and hugged my children more than i ever have. I kissed them so much they must have an imprint of my lips by now. 

This only means now that we must enjoy every moment we have with Jacob. It just means that we have to make the best of every moment, do everything we have always wanted to do but always said tomorrow. It means, everytime Jacob says "can you play with me" we don't say, later. 

We have come a long way from the begining of this journey. We are in the best time of our lives that we will ever be. 

It was a good week this week. I have connected with a person that I know will be forever in our lives (no really, i mean forever...she is stalking me)! LOL LOL We have a great support system and wonderful people who genuinely care for us. I have my entire family together again under the same roof. These are good times.

I realize that i probably said the word TODAY about 20 times in this entry....but TODAY is all we have.