All We Have is Today

Tuesday July 21st, 2009

Tonight, I am happy. I am not sad, I am not stressed. I am not nervous. I am not scared. I am simply happy. Tonight, I am not angry at the world. I am not asking why this happened to us. I am simply happy. 

Jacob has surpassed any expectations we had once again. Next week, Jacob will have already reached his goal. Instead of 8 weeks, in 4 weeks Jacob has managed to reach his goal of the HAPPY MEAL he has so been longing for. Who would have ever thought that I would be in tears knowing my son can have McDonald's. Today when I saw him put a star beside his last step before reaching his goal, I cried. 

Amanda, I wish you had come and said hi. Somedays i sit and wonder how i can find a way to thank every single one of you for being there for us. For being our support system. But there is just no way i can, i can only hope that you all know and if i ever had the honor of meeting you all i would give you a big hug and hope that you would feel the love. 

Funny cause that day you saw me at Walmart, i arrived happy but as I walked through the doors this mother and what I am assuming was her daughter made a crude comment as I walked in with Jacob in his wheelchair and his best friend Patrick. I was so upset i just wanted to cry and then wondered why the hell would I even freakin' care what this person thought. I was so mad at myself for caring even it was for just one moment. I realized after that i got upset because it made me remember that once upon a time i had a child who didn't stand out, a child who was just like any other kid....well besides being smarter and cuter and perfect ...lol lol was just like any other kid. I was going to say something to her but as I walked away and my two boys were laughing and joking, i stopped caring. 

It doesn't matter anymore what the future holds for us. I don't even think of the future, we don't have a future, we dont' even have a past anymore. All we have is today and I will enjoy all the time I have left with my entire family, after all, none of us know when our time is up. 

We are having Jacob's welcome home party on August 8th. I hope you all can join us. Please email me if you would like more info. lhajjar@uottawa.ca