We are Home!

Saturday June 6 th, 2009

Good Evening everyone and what a good evening it is. I am writing to you all tonight from 116 Lamoureux Gatineau, QC, OUR HOME!

We brought Jacob home today. To stay. Yesterday, Jason and I made the mutual decision to stop treatments and bring our baby home. NO MORE! No more treatments, no more chemo, no more antibiotics. Jacob was done and we followed our gut and listened to what his body was telling us. People can judge all they want, but you have no idea until you walk in these shoes. 

There are many factors that brought us here and it was not an easy decision to make at first but the risks were too great and we just weren't willing to take that chance anymore. If Jacob comes out of this barely able to function in life then this "study" is not worth my son's life. We felt great yesterday, it was like a ton was lifted off our shoulders, we feel even better today.

I have been trying to put into words the last couple of weeks how I was feeling and I just couldn't. When CHEO found out we were coming home one of our wonderful team leader sent me an email and told me a story about this woman who 20 years ago did the same thing and stopped her son's treatments. She said to her "I'm not afraid of my son dying anymore, I am afraid of him not living and then dying"....OMG! that's it!!! that's exactly it, if I could have put into words it says exactly what my gut has been feeling all along. I have accepted the fact that I may lose my child someday but i'll be damned if he goes like this. I want him to live life to the fullest. 

So there you have it....we are back home and giving Jacob the chance to live. We are very excited about starting rehab and help him walk again, EAT again, run again and go to school like any 5 year old should!

I look forward to letting you all know how he is doing.

Oh and by the way...the doctor's exact words to us before she walked out of the room after we told her we were done were....

"I think you both made the right decision".

:)