He Deserves Life

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Hi Everyone, 


Its been a while since my last update. Things have been up and down. i can't say we have good days but we are having good moments in a day which is more than i can ask for. mama hasn't been doing to well (emotionally) lately. I sat down a few times since march 19th to write but just couldn't. I suppose some moments it hits me more than others that my son is so ill and has cancer. Still after 5 months some days that word seems to not sink in as well as some other days. 
Montreal is nearing, which means we are taking Jacob for more treatments that will make him more sick than ever. It scares me, it actually makes me sick to my stomach. Baby is coming soon and I am overwhelmed with thoughts of how we are going to get through this with a new baby. I have no idea. Jacob is doing ok. Yes, still the tummy pains and vomiting but when that is controlled with medication we have a smiling, joking, sarcastic boy on our hands. He makes us laugh. I love when he makes us laugh. The strength in his legs seem to be improving but the walk is no better. We are hoping that the braces and with time things will heal. I had asked for him to see a psychologist and a couple of days later he was there. I am very happy Jacob warmed up and opened up to him so easily to be able to deal with his swallowing issue. He made up a story about this little boy named Austin who had a brain tumor. He also couldn't swallow and it made him extremely sad that he couldn't eat or drink anymore. As much as it made me cry when I heard his story I was happy to see that he is able to talk about it and hopely learn to deal with his feelings.
He is almost done radiation. I can't believe he has only 8 more to go but the spinal radiation has hit him hard. He is burnt and uncomfortable and I just want this to be over so he can have a little break from everything. He deserves to be a little boy for a while. He deserves to have one goodnight sleep. He deserves to be happy and comfortable for more than an hour or two at a time. He deserves life. I love you Jacob.