One Day at a Time

Friday, May 8th 2009.

Jacob is doing better compared to our first night here. We are preparing for the beginning of his treatment. Today we explained to Jacob a little bit of what's happening, I don't have the heart to tell him how sick he will be but I know we must tell him. I want him to enjoy the weekend, he has a few visitors coming for a visit so I want him to enjoy that. We will tell him on sunday exactly what will happen. We went to visit the floor and room where Jacob will be getting his treament. Wow, it was intense!!! we could only see his room from the window of the door. They have it ready and sterilized for him and a big yellow tape across the door. No one allowed in there until we move there. We must sterilize every single item before bringing it up to the room and we can only have up to 6 visitors for the entire treatment. We must make a list of people who can visit and only those people can come during his treatments. That was a bit of a shock. We also will have to wear a gown and a mask AT ALL TIMES. Its very intense stuff, i am overwhelmed by all of it and its going to be hard although we know its all for Jacob's proctection. They have allowed Liam to stay in the room during this time after I told the coordinator that we are doing this as a family or not at all. So Liam will be with us during these hard times. 

Today was a good day for us, the sun was shining and our room was bright. Yesterday was very hard, not sure if it was the rain but Jacob was sick again and we all felt so blah. I cried so much last night. I was trying to help Jacob get comfortable, he was feeling so nauseous and i was so overwhelmed i was crying with him and he said to me "mama, why are you crying you are making me cry" i stopped right away and just told him it made me sad to see him feel that way. After he fell asleep, i cried like i haven't cried before. I had my face literally sunk into my pillow so he wouldn't hear me. I couldn't hold it in, I get so scared thinking of the future. I realized today, i can't think of tomorrow. I can only get through one day at a time.