On to the second cycle

Friday, May 29th, 2009

Hi Everyone,
Just a little update to let you that Jacob is doing better. He keeps on fighting as he bravely always does. I don't have much energy to write tonight but i can`t go without thanking all of you for your messages and support. Its what keeps us going. As soon as Jacob is well enough i will read him ALL his messages. For all of you who left messages for Jason and I...THANK YOU! We don't feel so alone because of them.

i am tired. i feel like just closing my eyes and just crash. Jacob is doing well and in good spirits but to even think that we will do this to him all over again is confusing and heartbreaking to me. We have decided to go for the next cycle. We really don't have a back up if this doesn't work and I understand now what Jason was trying to tell me. I don't want us to regret our decision. I don't want us to hate each other because we didn't listen to each other. So i get it now. I know we must go on. At least the second cycle. Jason and I are pretty much in agreement that the third one is out but one day at a time. I just want to take my baby home. that's all i want in the entire world is just to take my boys home. I am tired of living in a hospital. i am tired of not being in the same room with my husband alone. I am tired of hospital smell. Every floor, every ward, every room has a smell and even when i'm not here i can smell it on my clothes, I smell it on Jacob, even after we give him a shower, i am tired of seeing how frail Jacob looks, he looks like an old man and i hate it. I hate it all and I just want to go home. i am so tired.

I just want a normal life with my family but i don't think that will ever be. Even when jacob gets better and comes home, his health will be forever on our minds. 

Saying thank you to all now seems so understated but its the only words i have. We are still overwhelmed and feel so blessed that so many care about Jacob and care enough to check this page to see how he is doing. I just don't know what to say anymore except thank you.

Liam is doing great. He is still just what we need him to be. He is the glue that is keeping this family together and sane at this time.